You CAN'T LOOK AWAY from this picture -- CAN YOU!!! Staring at this picture is like slowly driving by the scene of a horrible accident on the highway. You KNOW that looking inside the bloody smashed automobile up ahead may SCAR you and irreparably DAMAGE you for LIFE -- but... you... crane your neck... as you slowly roll by it... and... must... LOOK!!!
|
Watch hypnotically, while she woos you into a drooling coma from eternal repetitions ...eternal repetitions ...eternal repetitions of her chipper giggling pelvic thrusts. I hope someone brought a bucket of water and chair with them, 'cause its FLASHDANCE TIME!!!
To Embed this animation into your own site or MySpace pages, copy the following HTML code:
|
 |
But this is MUCH worse than any fatal accident or vomit-inducing carnage that you may inadvertently stumble across today.
- The Hot Pink Headbands (which went out of style once everyone realized it was a STUPID idea).
- Leg Warmers that are larger than a bloated elephant's cankles.
- Super Tight Spandex that show off all the goods God gave ya.
- Subtle outfit colors such as "HOLY CRAP -- AAAAHHH -- YOUR SPANDEX IS BLINDING ME --- GET AWAY FROM ME --- AAAAAHHHHH" Red.
- Hair that is higher than a stoned kite with a major case of the munchies on a particularly windy day.
- Enough make-up caked on that would make a cheap cracked-out hooker say "Hey, I like your make-up."
- And that spunky 80's attitude this is just oh... my... God... Valley Girl... gag me with a spoon... bouncy fun.
This, my friends, is "The Seven Method Guide to WORKING OUT" book written way back in 1983, during the Golden Era of working out in hideously cheesy clothing that make you want to stick a soldering iron straight into your retinas upon viewing.
|
Thank God she is wearing that headband, because the LAST thing you want is that sweat trickling out of the GIANT POOF that is her hair. Anyone got a dollar? I have a really odd urge to stuff this down her pants while screaming "Wooooooooooo!!!" Then asking for change. Someone hide the ping pong balls. Nevermind. She already did.
To Embed this animation into your own site or MySpace pages, copy the following HTML code:
|
 |
I have my sister to blame for this one. We were piddling around in a library book sale, when she suddenly shouted to me that she found something I may be interested in. When I looked up, she had pulled out this book and started laughing hysterically. After looking through it I KNEW that I must buy this and help the world NEVER to forget the monstrosity known as Striped Spandex Workout Suits.
When I went up to pay for this very special find, the lady that took my money looked at the book quite quizzically for a bit. I fully expected her to laugh, but instead she rather seriously asked me in a soft voice:
"You know... I think we have the VHS Tape that goes with the book. Would you like to buy that as well?"
"No, No, Oh No, No Thank You. Not necessary. Sweet Lord No. I couldn't take it. Thanks. But Noooooooooooooo!!!!"
I know I have a bit of a beer gut and my love handles are turning more into love zip-lock baggies filled with fat. But does she REALLY think I was going to teach myself Aerobics from THIS BOOK???
|
This move I call the "Angry Boobs", because.. well.. she looks like she is angrily pounding upon the ground, but at the same time would like to show off her ample bosoms that gather so nicely in the spandex flesh-hugger of hers.
To Embed this animation into your own site or MySpace pages, copy the following HTML code:
|
 |
After looking through the book, I knew that I had to bring the '80s into the 2000's and make super cool animated gifs from the step-by-step instructions.
I mean --- C'MON --- this is great stuff. Most of it looks almost like really really really bad Soft Core Porn. I'm talking WORSE than Cinemax on a Saturday Night. It is just way too funny to pass up.
So, please feel free to add these pics to your site or send them to your friends. It's time to spread the love and make others feel the pain. And we all know, no pain -- no gain.
|
I'm such a pretty princess. Watch me jog. Watch me jog. Someone should tell her that she pulled her poor socks up so high they are almost touching her va... oh wait... no, those are just really dumb looking leg warmers. Nevermind.
To Embed this animation into your own site or MySpace pages, copy the following HTML code:
|
 |
|
And kick and kick and I can't stop kicking and kick and kick and it is starting to hurt and kick and kick but I can't stop kicking and kick and kick and I think I dislocated my kneecap and kick and kick and I should probably go to the hospital and kick and kick...
To Embed this animation into your own site or MySpace pages, copy the following HTML code:
|
 |
|
I think I am going to call this move The Nutcracker. Ummmmmmm.... I'm REALLY not going to say anything more about this one. I'm a bit disturbed by this, actually. To Embed this animation into your own site or MySpace pages, copy the following HTML code:
|
 |
|
Oh My... uh... not good. I feel really dirty looking at this one. Yet confused at the same time. I really have the urge to wax her and give to Keanu Reeves to use as a surfboard in Point Break.
To Embed this animation into your own site or MySpace pages, copy the following HTML code:
|
 |
|
HELLO!!! I think I'll call this move "Get A Few Beers In Her And See What Happens". Follow these easy to use step-by-step sequences and you too can shape up during Spring Break.
To Embed this animation into your own site or MySpace pages, copy the following HTML code:
|
 |
|
Now this move I HAVE to call Drunk Biker Chick. Yeah, I can see her workin' it workin' it at Coyote Ugly?
To Embed this animation into your own site or MySpace pages, copy the following HTML code:
|
 |
|
This dude is THE SHIT!!! He's my fucking hero. What says Super Stud more than a "Fitness is Fun" t-shirt, hair that would make Donald Trump cringe, and glasses thick enough to be used in the Hubble Telescope.
To Embed this animation into your own site or MySpace pages, copy the following HTML code:
|
 |
|
I TOLD you this dude is THE SHIT. Didn't believe me did ya? Check out these tasty moves. He KNOWS how to work it with the ladies. Just watch the master at work. He can probably teach you a thing or two there, Grasshoppa'.
To Embed this animation into your own site or MySpace pages, copy the following HTML code:
|
 |
|
She's here to FLUFF -- YOU UP!!! I bet you a dollar Super Stud Boy is just to the left of the picture. He'd be all standing there wearing nothing but his cool "Fitness is Fun" shirt and a big smile on his face just waiting to move in closer. Ewwwwwwwwww!!! I think I'm gonna hurl.
To Embed this animation into your own site or MySpace pages, copy the following HTML code:
|
 |
|
I call this move The Tease.
In fact, I really don't think this is a move at all. It is just a blatant act of heartlessness. This has been cruelly designed to merely show off her genitalia in rather naughty ways while she laughs at you, knowing all too well that she'll never give you the time of day if you ever approach her. "Look at me. Look at me. Now GET AWAY!!!" I HATE this move (but I love it so very very much... I weep...) To Embed this animation into your own site or MySpace pages, copy the following HTML code:
|
 |
After this, don't you just want to get out that old Olivia Newton John album and start Aerobicizing until your back seizes up and your stuck in one of stupid positions. Nothing worse than getting wheeled into the Emergency Room with your head locked between your legs.
Yeah. I wan't to get Physical... Physical... more like Physically Naseous. So you wanna hear my body talk... body talk... how about this for my body talking ---- BBBBBAARRRRFFFFFFF!!!! (as I chuck my dinner all over those spandex)
Bless you 80's. You shall be missed.
