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> History #26: Lost In D.C.
This is a story I had written in English Comp 1 (College) about a memorable trip. I had chosen to write about my family getting lost in the mega-ghettoes of D.C. when we went on summer vacation.

What I did NOT mention was that we had eaten at Bob's Big Boy previous to getting lost. Whatever my Dad decided to eat at that fine place of foodage gave him a MAJOR case of diarrhea. So there we were, lost and driving helplessly around the scariest looking streets on earth while Dad's ass was about ready to explode. I vaguely remember my Dad asking really frightening looking men and what looked to be hookers where he could find a bathroom before he crapped his pants. It was GREAT!!!! We totally feared for our lives. But ultimately he did get to take a crap and we got to see more of D.C. than we EVER wanted to. You won't see this on any tour.

Lost In D.C.
By Drooling Maniac
The most memorable trip that I have ever been on occurred when my father decided to take my mother, my sister, and myself to see our nation's capital. Unfortunately, we almost became hopelessly lost in the labyrinth of streets that endlessly circled through Washington D.C..

By the time we finally arrived at the large and confusing city , the blue skies had already given way to the darkness of the early evening. We were all tired from the eight-hour drive and the unbearably hot summer air. I felt like someone had preheated an oven to well over four hundred and fifty degrees and stuffed me into it. Rolling a car window down, I hoped for some kind of breeze.

Bored and stiff from sitting in the same position for hours, I tried to entertain myself by watching buildings pass by. I began to notice the area that we were driving through was growing quite ominous looking. Huge apartment complexes in dilapidated condition lurked on both sides of the street. Street lights gave way to lamp posts that sat on the corners. There was a variety of frightening looking characters hanging around the dim lights of the street. Slimy looking men dressed in even slimier looking clothes slid their way over to cars that had been pulling off to the side of the road. Women who were dressed in skimpy clothing and caked in layers of make-up walked up and down the sidewalks. Many of these nighttime inhabitants watched us closely as we drove by.

I was beginning to feel fear creep through my body. I was quite young and had never seen anything like this before. My mother, looking a little pale, turned to my father and asked him if he had any idea where he was going. Instantly, the map was unfolded across most of the front seat of the car. The sweat poured off of my father's head as he tried to help my mother figure out north from south.

The sky became black as the hours past by into late evening. We turned down street after street, going deeper and deeper into what I felt was becoming some kind of bad, horror novel. We passed an ugly gray building on the right side of the shadowy street. My father had already driven past that same building three times. I knew that he had somehow gotten us terribly and undeniably lost. Dark alleyways , unknown corridors, and rundown buildings seemed to go off into infinity. My imagination had taken control of me, and I let terrified thoughts fill my mind.

My father, who was trying to look calm and collected, turned down even more side streets. The ugly gray building was beside us once again. I was beginning to feel like we had driven into some kind of mad maze with no hope for escape. My sister had a look of horror on her face as my mother tried to help as much as possible by pointing at almost microscopic lines on the map illuminated only by a small light on the car's visor. My father, on the other hand, was starting to look like a rabid dog. Total frustration had wrenched his face into a frightening mask. This scared me even more because my father never let himself look as though he was out of control. I definitely knew that there was something wrong.

Suddenly, we saw a bright, glowing light up ahead. I strained my eyes to see what it could be and was amazed to see the White House. We were all in shock as we looked at this miracle vision in front of us. All of the thoughts that had previously filled my head fell away. I finally could see without looking through fear tinted eyes.

We drove slowly, studying the building to make sure it was real. My father's face cleared, and everybody in the car let out one huge, collective sigh of relief. Our laughter filled the car as we stared in wonder at the sight before us. I was filled with energy and bounced around the car as though it were a giant trampoline. We continued laughing until my father said that we had to find our way back to the motel that we were staying in. I instantly stopped my excited acrobatics, and the car fell dead silent once more.